Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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