I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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