We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
