i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
