DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
please come you make the beer taste better
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
third nipple confirmed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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