I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
