we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize