You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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