she peed on how many people?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
