Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
