he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
