I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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