she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
