you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All the doctor said was why
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
