So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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