Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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