Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
