walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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