4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
