thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She bit a glass in half.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize