If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
