I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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