I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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