I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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