Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
