Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
