there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
