But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
