So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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