I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
