His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize