I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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