One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
