oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
