I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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