ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
