I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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