"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
