also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
