Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
