Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
