Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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