That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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