I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So much rum. So many feels.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
