I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
