If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
