Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
