just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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