She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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