i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
