your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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