I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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