In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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