Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
