I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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