I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
