I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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