mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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