just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
