There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
