Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
