This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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