I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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