If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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