my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
