i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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