oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
