Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.

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(512): View more from Texas

Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

(512): View more from Texas

Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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(516): View more from New York

My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

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(807): View more from Ontario

I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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(320): View more from Minnesota

In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.

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(727): View more from Florida

I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.

(308): View more from Nebraska

The strangest confirmation message ever sent.

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