Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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