When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am one with the molecules
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
