We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize