If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No subtext here. People are naked.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
