Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
