I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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