Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
