What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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