How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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