what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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