Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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