We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
