I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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