I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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