She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
