in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
